I'm startled. With myself!
Alright, so far, Pilgrim is history and I'm moving on to a whole new chapter as a university student. All and all, my uni offers better boyfriend prospects and I quickly find myself smitten to a senior.
He's studying accounting, so let's call him Count.
I first met Count when I join the club he (happens to) direct as my extracurricular activity. Honestly, to my eyes, he's flawless. I try to keep him that way ... explains a lot about my not pursuing him so hard. I'm doing the courtly love at this point.
Back to topic. I just LOVE the fact that he's so gentlemanly, we had a long talk once because he's waiting on me and a friend (note: he waits on us) and he's pretty attentive! He also explains things really well, and not to mention: he's kinda cute.
Now that's a huge plus.
Downside? I don't think he remembers my name. He's more of a face guy. He remembers my face, and what a serendipity, we once met in an elevator and IT LIFTED MY MOOD SO since he remembers me:) Another downside is he shares Pilgrim's faith ... I'm still a little off on that but this guy's awesome.
At least, the idea of him is awesome. Some little birds told me that he's sorta arrogant but it doesn't really come through me so whatevs.
But what startles me isn't that whole falling for a senior thing, yet the fact that ... I also have crushes on at least 2 other guys! One is a teammate of mine during orientation, so let's call him Teammate, and another is Classmate. These two mates shares the same last name, by chance.
I had an instant attraction to Teammate, while Classmate took awhile because he's, mmm, not so tall? Well, Teammate is a great guy, also gentlemanly, pretty serious about his work, humorous, and we message each other quite a lot up until now. We also have a running gag about calling each other over when we happen to meet, which is kinda rare because we are not classmates.
Classmate is great because he's like ... the XY-chromosomed version of me, but more active. Seriously, he really gets my humor! He basically chuckles everytime I deadpan.
So what's with this new me? Why am I being polyamorous? I like the new adventurous me, but doesn't this set me further apart from the happy ending I always want? I just hope my feelings can clear up pretty soon.
Bewildered, Edge.
6.2.13
25.3.12
Blow My Mind
I still can't get over the idea of being so in love at one moment and so over it all of a sudden.
But that's exactly what happened to me and Pilgrim. And this is not the first time, though I'm pretty convinced this is his final strike.
At first I'm very okay with this, but in the end his fascination towards his religion is the one that drives us apart. Or more aptly phrased, it drives me away from him.
A tad like Tom Lefroy and Jane Austen, even though we do love each other, that thing can make us resent each other at the end of the day, so we're better off apart.
I need to post this to restrain myself not to fall into him ever again. It ain't right nor healthy for me.
I will never find out his feelings exactly because I don't see that he's at any means to display them so let's just leave it at that. I wish him all the best.
And lastly wish myself the same.
Determined to move on, Edge.
But that's exactly what happened to me and Pilgrim. And this is not the first time, though I'm pretty convinced this is his final strike.
At first I'm very okay with this, but in the end his fascination towards his religion is the one that drives us apart. Or more aptly phrased, it drives me away from him.
A tad like Tom Lefroy and Jane Austen, even though we do love each other, that thing can make us resent each other at the end of the day, so we're better off apart.
I need to post this to restrain myself not to fall into him ever again. It ain't right nor healthy for me.
I will never find out his feelings exactly because I don't see that he's at any means to display them so let's just leave it at that. I wish him all the best.
And lastly wish myself the same.
Determined to move on, Edge.
Fading?
For those of you who wonder why I haven't posted nor talked about Pilgrim for the last two monts, or probably more, here's my update.
Prepare for disappointment and dullness.
I went to a life-changing trip for three weeks. Abroad, far away from both my homeland and Pilgrimage. And man, alot has happened since then.
I experienced quite an unwordly occurence during my trip away from Pilgrim: a guy confessed to me. Wow, since I'm definitely not a girl next door, stuff like this is pretty new to me and it's weird to suddenly be labeled a heartbreaker by a bunch of foreigners. But the good thing is, it was pretty low key and this huy,15, had been nothing but super nice to me. I guess we made ourselves good friends-we definitely parted that way.
As for my feelings toward Pilgrim, it gradually cooled once I went back from my trip. Perhaps I'm a little bothered by how calmly he reacts to the love declaration 15 dropped on me. (yes, I told him) He should've been at least a little agitated, you know. But he didn't, still as reserved as ever. And at that moment I thought to myself, this would never end. I gotta end this as fast and as painless as I could.
I'm not sure if it's painless in his part, if he DOES have no feelings for me as he claimed, he sure won't bother agonizing over my giving a cold shoulder. But otherwise it'd be extremely painful for anyone, being ignored like that after previously corresponding with each other with such intensity... but frankly at this point I'm too over it to care. He grew tiresome on me. If a fifteen year old could dare to make a move after only a week of knowing each other, why wouldn't he do anything after 7 years? 5 years? 3 years? 3 months? This baffles me and leads me to conclude, he just doesn't care. All he cares about is how to make me and everyone else afraid of his idea of God.
I don't need him.
But I do feel bad because I could sense his attempts of making a convo with me. Problem is, I'm not interested and he made it very clear at a time that I need not to response to him if I don't feel like it. So I'll just let him eat his own words.
A cold-hearted b*tch, that's what I am. Never seen myself as a heartbreaker. Pretty cool and awful at the same time.
And meanwhile, I got myself a new bro after the trip. I love bros, I got two so far and these guys are pretty alike. So having a very distinct new one is awesomely refreshing. The most startling difference would be; this new bro isn't a geek. In fact, he's technologically challenged. Haha great taunting material there. Besides he lives in a different country which makes attachment the last thing for me to worry about! How great is that? I say, fuck crushes and long live platonic bros!
Although you oughtta know I'm not really sure if I can keep this new bro a bro, you know? But I have to, as a friend of mine actually confides in me that she's into my bro.
I smell trouble. But I can handle this, I swear.
As for Pilgrim, I'll let him reflect in Pilgrimage. (He went back home twice during my absence from posting, one before and one after my trip. Both attempts on making a convo ended up in utter mess. I tried during his first homecoming and simply turned away during the second. You know why.)
Since I currently have no love interest, I should be off posting for awhile, probably I'll only fill up some past gaps between Pilgrim and I but that's about it. And if my feelings for him do resurface (the odds are in favor) I'll keep you informed, alright?
Sucked out of life, Edge
Prepare for disappointment and dullness.
I went to a life-changing trip for three weeks. Abroad, far away from both my homeland and Pilgrimage. And man, alot has happened since then.
I experienced quite an unwordly occurence during my trip away from Pilgrim: a guy confessed to me. Wow, since I'm definitely not a girl next door, stuff like this is pretty new to me and it's weird to suddenly be labeled a heartbreaker by a bunch of foreigners. But the good thing is, it was pretty low key and this huy,15, had been nothing but super nice to me. I guess we made ourselves good friends-we definitely parted that way.
As for my feelings toward Pilgrim, it gradually cooled once I went back from my trip. Perhaps I'm a little bothered by how calmly he reacts to the love declaration 15 dropped on me. (yes, I told him) He should've been at least a little agitated, you know. But he didn't, still as reserved as ever. And at that moment I thought to myself, this would never end. I gotta end this as fast and as painless as I could.
I'm not sure if it's painless in his part, if he DOES have no feelings for me as he claimed, he sure won't bother agonizing over my giving a cold shoulder. But otherwise it'd be extremely painful for anyone, being ignored like that after previously corresponding with each other with such intensity... but frankly at this point I'm too over it to care. He grew tiresome on me. If a fifteen year old could dare to make a move after only a week of knowing each other, why wouldn't he do anything after 7 years? 5 years? 3 years? 3 months? This baffles me and leads me to conclude, he just doesn't care. All he cares about is how to make me and everyone else afraid of his idea of God.
I don't need him.
But I do feel bad because I could sense his attempts of making a convo with me. Problem is, I'm not interested and he made it very clear at a time that I need not to response to him if I don't feel like it. So I'll just let him eat his own words.
A cold-hearted b*tch, that's what I am. Never seen myself as a heartbreaker. Pretty cool and awful at the same time.
And meanwhile, I got myself a new bro after the trip. I love bros, I got two so far and these guys are pretty alike. So having a very distinct new one is awesomely refreshing. The most startling difference would be; this new bro isn't a geek. In fact, he's technologically challenged. Haha great taunting material there. Besides he lives in a different country which makes attachment the last thing for me to worry about! How great is that? I say, fuck crushes and long live platonic bros!
Although you oughtta know I'm not really sure if I can keep this new bro a bro, you know? But I have to, as a friend of mine actually confides in me that she's into my bro.
I smell trouble. But I can handle this, I swear.
As for Pilgrim, I'll let him reflect in Pilgrimage. (He went back home twice during my absence from posting, one before and one after my trip. Both attempts on making a convo ended up in utter mess. I tried during his first homecoming and simply turned away during the second. You know why.)
Since I currently have no love interest, I should be off posting for awhile, probably I'll only fill up some past gaps between Pilgrim and I but that's about it. And if my feelings for him do resurface (the odds are in favor) I'll keep you informed, alright?
Sucked out of life, Edge
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